Henrik Jørgenstein: Black Metal Heart

Weekend From HELL

henrikjorgenstein — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 10:33:09 +0000

This past weekend my band Rat Guts Is Yummy went on Scandinavian rock and roll tour. Tour turned to shit early. Odin blew engine on Helsinki freeway, whole van hood on fire. I screaming at side of road like crazed banshee when I notice my beard is set alight from flames!! Static X playing on stereo as soundtrack to fire!! My beard burns up from 2 foot long to bad shave. Thorfin makes bad joke that he will hunt down Wayne Static, cut off his head and glue his hair to my chin so I have new beard. I punch Thorfin in face. He has nosebleed over two Irish tourists that stop on side of road to help. Irishman Jimmy threatens to kill me after I call him a “fucking potato”. Tour ends there on freeway. No music, no tour. Band not speaking. I spend weekend in jacuzzi with plate of chicken and gun and entire backworks of Cannibal Corpse.

Britney Spears…please meet Henrik Jorgenstein

henrikjorgenstein — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 00:06:37 +0000

Today I see horrible Britney Spears clothing campaign advertisement for American manufacture empire – Candies. Bad clothes, bad hair weave that looks like Texan Stripper that charges for free , colours that make grown men want to upheave six litres of Jim Beam they knocked back in metal bar the night before. My friend Odin says “All that ad needs is little bit of Henrik darkness or Megadeath playing in background”. I could not agree more.

Britney Spears Frustrate Me

henrikjorgenstein — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:27:54 +0000

“My loneliness is killing me

And I, I must confess I still believe (still believe)

When I’m not with you I loose my mind

Give me a sign

Hit me baby one more time”

* How about I just kill you?

BABY FOUND IN DUMPSTER IN HELSKINI

henrikjorgenstein — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 11:58:18 +0000

Yesterday in Helsinki after my band play Leroy’s Bar, I hear loud crying after show and open dumpster. Inside I find baby. It is very very angry and cries a lot. When I play it Megadeath it is quiet. Anyone who knows who mother is please contact me. I cannot become Tom Selleck.

Do Aliens Love Thrash Metal?

henrikjorgenstein — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:03:08 +0000

I hear something today from my guitarist Thorfin. He say scientist broadcast World War II footage into space billions of light years away in hope little green alien will watch with pocorn. If I was scientist I would scrap the war and broadcast Slayer video clips on loop. World invasion would then occur, for aliens LOVE thrash metal.

WHEN MONKEYS ATTACK!

henrikjorgenstein — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:42:01 +0000

Did you see UK holiday tourists who were accosted by highway chimps?

If I was vacationing and monkey jump on car and steal my favourite band t-shirt, then climb tree, I would cut monkeys in two with sword. Then possibly eat brain.

Henrik x

When Good People Do Bad Thing To Face

henrikjorgenstein — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 04:23:07 +0000

Here is photograph of my guitarist Thorfin from weekend in Helsinki when our band Rat Guts is Yummy played the Nihilist Bar to a room of 18. Big night. Many ladies on the whiskey. People said that Thorfin was trying to do his best ‘Lurch’ impersonation. Not true. Thorfin took 3 hits of acid then superglued his hair to his face. Very amusing.

A Question For The Ages: Disney Incest Inquiry

henrikjorgenstein — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 04:10:00 +0000

I am confused.

Is it just me or did anyone else think Miley Cyrus was bride of Billy Ray? I saw Vanity Fair photo in Helsinki pub and thought Disney pop muppet was wife. Now my friend Odin tells me over plate of fried chicken that Miley is daughter. Make me have little vomit in my Heineken.

Cheers.

Jonas Brothers Art & Craft Project

henrikjorgenstein — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:44:08 +0000

Here is art and craft you can try at home:

Today in downtime, I create Pin The Bullet On The Jonas party game. Kind of like Donkey but with no tail. You fire gun randomly at poster of Jonas Brothers until it is full of holes. Neighbours called police. Why? American pop music has commited worse crimes than I.

New Black Metal Lyrics – What Do You Think?

henrikjorgenstein — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:29:59 +0000

Hi Everybody,

So…my black metal band Rat Guts Is Yummy is writing new material. We are more excited than you. New song is being formed and lyrically I think we have written masterpiece. What you think? Sorry about my English. Sometimes its hard to be excellent.

Every night he wakes to find

The maiden gone from bed

He prowls the streets in search of her

His eyes, they seeing red

He draws a sword and cuts in two

His evil, cheating bride

The blood it fills the empty streets

He feels pretty good inside

To be continued…(my bassist Vegar is vomiting in my bathtub. He drank 1 litre of Scotch before and ate family size pizza for 8 people and now look like corpse).